WHAT YOU MUST TRY TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN

WHAT YOU MUST TRY TO TEACH YOUR CHILDREN

I say, “try”, because these are things children must learn, but you will not always be successful. Some nuts are just too hard to crack, but never give up. They must learn these lessons, and will eventually, if you have been persistent and consistent. It just may not be in your lifetime. I wish I had known more about training children when I started, but a lot of this knowledge didn’t come until we started learning about training horses, and even now on the TV, about training dogs, long after the kids were grown. Sounds crazy, transferring animal training techniques to humans, but we all know, babies are not as smart as young puppies, and all of us, if we are to socialize with one another, animals with other animals, and animals with humans, must learn the same lessons. It’s all about learning to live with each other. It’s about learning how to stay alive, learning how to have joy and give joy, and paying back for what was given to you.

THE TOOLS OF THE TRADE

You as the teacher must be CONSISTENT AND PERSISTENT. I used to avoid this, saying, “Life isn’t consistent.” Big mistake. You simply prolong the time it takes to teach anything, you make it twice as long and twice as hard. BE CONSISTENT!

Children seem to master “procrastination” early on, if allowed to do so. Stop this before it becomes an art. Be firm, be consistent.

You as the parents are the leaders, the teachers, the “he and she who must be obeyed.” A child must not be taught to think the world revolves around him. His parents are the top dogs, and his life revolves about them. They set the schedules, when to eat, when to sleep, when to talk, and when to listen. Too many parents never seem to recognize their role, and in fact reverse this role. The child rules the roost, and everyone suffers. If a large dog doesn’t learn this, he can become dangerous, and so do too many children.

Lastly, your main tool is rewarding good behavior, whether with a hug, with praise, or a treat. So often we are only scolding or punishing the bad behavior, and we ignore all the good behavior. You know if you ever trained a dog to heel or sit, it is done with rewards. The carrot always works better than the stick, but if all else fails, if not learning puts the child or someone else in danger or discomfort, then use the stick. An example: I've read that Indians taught their children what hot meant, by letting them touch something hot. I am sure the lesson never had to be repeated, but if you don't want to take the risk of doing this, maybe a quick slap on the hand might work. Think of something; it is a lesson that must be learn

LESSONS THAT MUST BE LEARNED

PLACE IN THE WORLD: Last place behind everyone older, everyone wiser, everyone in a position of authority. You don’t talk back, you don’t roll your eyes, and you show respect to all, even those you consider your equal, or lower in the pecking order.

STOP AND NO: Among the earliest lessons. Starting with safety, when you say no to a child who is about to put his finger in the light socket, his response must be instantaneous. Ditto the child about to run into the street. If you can achieve this, saying no, and meaning no, and having the child understand that your no is non negotiable, it will eliminate hours of whining and wheedling. Everyone who has to deal with your child, or be around you and your child, will thank you.

MANNERS: Good manners, in all its forms, from please and thank you, to yes ma’am, and no sir, to how to eat, standing up for ladies and elders, opening doors, everything to make living with other people more enjoyable, and to show you know your place in the world, is important. A well-mannered person will be welcomed everywhere, and be respected in turn.

ENVIRONMENTALISM: We live in a world of shrinking resources, and increasing costs. We cannot afford waste, neither power nor water, food or clothing. (Turn off the lights, learn to take a boat shower, don’t throw clothes in the dirty clothesbasket, because it is easier than hanging up). We must respect everything we have, and everything we use. It starts with the room you live in, and the rooms you share. The child must learn to pick up his own mess. If he cannot do this, he cannot hope to clean up the world.

MONEY; How it is made, how it is saved, appropriate spending, choosing wisely, the necessity of giving, cherishing what you have and taking care of it, the difference between our needs and our wants, the inappropriateness of ostentatious display, especially in the world today, the meaning of nouveau riche, and why you don’t want to be one of those, appropriate dressing, and the temporariness of “fashion”, all should be learned. A child’s birthright does not include a car of his own at sixteen. If he drives, and what he drives, and when he drives his own car, is the parent’s decision.

JOBS AND RESPOSIBILITY: Everyone is happier knowing they are important, that they have a job others depend on. The youngest child can learn not to make the mess, and to clean up his own messes, as he gets older. He can be made to feel a necessary part of the household by having assigned tasks, and the older he gets, the more time he can devote. His schooling is his primary job, be serious about this. Paying jobs outside the home teach more than you can imagine. If nothing else, it teaches the value of money, the pleasure that can come from doing something important enough people are willing to pay you to do it, and it teaches responsibility.

MORAL VALUES: A person without moral values is a hazard to the world. I can’t list all the values, just know they are important, nay necessary, and children won’t learn just by observing you. They must be taught. If you don’t choose which values they are taught, they may choose someone like the “Moonies” or other cults, to do it for them.

INTELLECTUAL CURIOSITY: Teach them to wonder, teach them the joys of reading, of good music, and good movies, of creativity, give them a passion for something, preferably something lasting they can carry into their adulthood, something that brings joy into their lives wherever they go. An inquiring mind will never be idle, will never be bored.

HOUSEHOLD ARTS: Your children will not be stepping from the arms of a mother who did everything for them, into the arms of a wife or maid who will do everything for them. Chances are Mom worked, and the age of marriage may be prolonged. They must know how to cook and clean, wash clothes, and how to take care of everything. This all fits into jobs and responsibilities, and environmentalism. In fact most of these things work together. By eighteen years old your child should know basic nutrition, how to shop, make a meal, serve and clean up a meal, all basic household tasks, like cleaning a bathroom, rinsing out the sink or toilet if they have left a deposit, how to sweep, dust, and vacuum, and this includes, mop boards, finger marks on doors, and how to schedule these tasks. They should know how to run all the appliances in a home, and the basics oh how to fix things, or how to get them fixed.

THE GOAL AND THE REWARD

Your goal is to make an independent person, and doing it by eighteen years old is a good objective. If they are old enough to vote, they are old enough to do all these things. Furthermore, the earlier you teach them, the easier your life, and the family’s life and their teachers life, in fact the life of all who come in contact with them will be, but most especially, your life. The rewards are worth the efforts you take right from the beginning. So many of the issues the modern day parent faces, were not faced by parents of old. We brought so many of our problems on ourselves, by letting the child dominate our lives in an unhealthy way. We have adulated them. We have let adult conversation come to a halt as we are forced to listen to the prattle of an infant. Of course we want them to learn to express themselves, but how do they learn to be quiet in a classroom, if they think everything they say is as important as what you are trying to teach them.* Yes, they are the focus of our efforts, but not of our total life. What you are doing as an adult, in your job, your duties to your community, to your spouse, is for their benefit, as much or more than for anybody’s, but they must never be led to believe they are the King or Queen Bees.

*I think this subject needs a discussion of its own, and it will follow under a separate heading, probably titled, "MEANINGLESS CHATTER".